The kickoff of the 2015 Puppy Bowl is almost here, and it’s time we met this year’s stars! We sent our investigative reporters Patrick Bates and John Jedlicka into the field to uncover all the juicy details about these canine competitors.
Yesterday we introduced you to the puppies of Team Fluff. Today we get acquainted with the courageous contenders of Team Ruff.
The Stars of Team Ruff:
Aria
Sex: Female
Breed: Labrador Retriever Mix
Age: 11 Weeks
Aria, of house Bark. Deep in the North, Aria was raised hard and lean. After the Catnisters took the head of her father, Eddard Bark, she was forced to fend for herself in the wild. Don’t expect this young pup to quit easily. She’s as feisty as she is adorable.
Blue
Sex: Male
Breed: Schnauzer Poodle Mix
Age: 12 Weeks
As you can tell from Blue’s eyes, this pup is half full of Shih tzu , but there ain’t no quit in this PeePeePoodle mix. Don’t expect her to just settle for number two.
Boomer
Sex: Male
Breed: German Shepherd Mix
Age: 18 Weeks
Boomer is the wrecking ball of team Ruff. He will bowl through the opposing offensive line and sack whatever he finds. Boomer is known for his prodigious appetites, having devoured bowl after bowl of food at the Golden Collar buffet.
Bowser
Sex: Male
Breed: Pekingese
Age: 14 Weeks
Awe! Don’t look into his eyes! I got a sad. Don’t let this pouty pup fool you. Come game time, this pug looking mother humper will be ready to go.
Bryan Adams
Sex: Male
Breed: Labrador Retriever Mix
Age: 16 Weeks
Known for his recording contracts as much for his play on the field, this Canadian born slasher will not disappoint. His main strength? Cuts like a knife (But it feels so right)
Bubba
Sex: Male
Breed: Chihuahua Mix
Age: 16 Weeks
Bubba “the maniac” Smith, is one of the scariest defenders in a generation. Wiry and ferocious, he’ll destroy any wide retriever that comes his way. The PFL commissioner, Rexy Goodboy, has fined him several times this year for Unnecessary Ruffness.
Enzo
Sex: Male
Breed: Yorkshire Terrier
Age: 21 Weeks
Enzo “The Terrible” – Known as a scat back, Enzo definitely has the speed. Coaches have been working on Enzo’s technique, notably keeping his left ear down. Enzo has a tendency to circle to his right, and end up chasing his tail.
Kiaria
Sex: Male
Breed: Japanese Chin
Age: 12 Weeks
“What? Who, me? Kiaria diarrhea, stain on the rug. I’m a Japanese Chin, not a damn pug.” Kiaria, known for her big Japanese musical recording contracts as much as here play on the field in the Asian Puppy Football Leagues, is sure to shine in her debut in the Americas.
Lance
Sex: Male
Breed: Terrier Mix
Age: 15 Weeks
Lance has had a long and storied career in the Puppy Football League, having set numerous records in the regular season. However, he has never had much success in the Puppy Playoffs. He hopes to turn that around this year.
Lee
Sex: Male
Breed: Boxer Mix
Age: 14 Weeks
Lee is adorable. That’s all there is too it. He has all the moves to shine in the big game this year. But who cares about that. Look at his eyes! LOOK AT THEM! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?! That’s right, it’s YOU!
Lewis
Sex: Male
Breed: Shar Pei
Age: 12 Weeks
Lazy Lewis –If this pup conserved any more energy, he’d be dead. Like, so ded. But, don’t let this powerful pup fool you, he’ll drag you kicking and barking to the end zone, and throw your ass in the pound if you’re not careful.
Lorelai
Sex: Female
Breed: Maltese Poodle Mix
Age: 12 Weeks
Lorelai Matthews is known as much for her luscious locks as she is for her dominant defensive play on the field. Her Pup And Shoulders hair commercials have made her a national star, while her above-the-shoulder head shots have earned her a few fines from the league.
Penelope
Sex: Female
Breed: Pug
Age: 13 Weeks
Penelope’s greatest asset as a Quarterbark is that the defense never knows exactly which WR she is looking at. Her eyes give nothing away but a vacant appearance that confounds even the wariest defenders. Look for her to snort and wheeze her way to a few touchdowns this game.
Pudge
Sex: Male
Breed: Chihuahua Mix
Age: 16 Weeks
Pudge is what the experts like to call “a crazy bastard.” And, nervous? This dog jumps at the sound of its own bark. But don’t let his skittishness fool you. His shakes can make him quite elusive in the open field.
The 2015 Puppy Bowl will air on Animal Planet tomorrow, February 1st, at 3:00 PM Eastern. Also, don’t forget about the kitten halftime show!
