Hi. Wanna see something neat?
| RANK | TEAM | HAWT TAEK |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | New England Patriots | The schedule has been friendly, but winning in Denver puts a nice stamp on a very good season. |
| 2 | Dallas Cowboys | A good win at home, but this team seems more and more beatable as the playoffs approach. |
| 3 | New York Giants | Winners of 8 of the last 9, including over the Cowboys, Lions, and Ravens. The NFC East has the two best teams in the NFC. |
| 4 | Oakland Raiders | The unimpressive wins continue. |
| 5 | Atlanta Falcons | Crush the weaklings when you can. Time to prove the ranking against division foes. |
| 6 | Kansas City Chiefs | Tennessee is much improved as the year progresses, and it was cold as hell, but that was a bad performance by a team that had climbed to no. 2. |
| 7 | Seattle Seahawks | Back on track after a whooping. |
| 8 | Green Bay Packers | They should prolly just run the table then. |
| 9 | Detroit Lions | I bet they already know, deep down, how this ends. |
| 10 | Miami Dolphins | Also winners of 8 of their last 9, and yet the playoff picture is complicated. Must win in Buffalo and kill Rex Ryan's head coaching career. |
| 11 | Pittsburgh Steelers | The AFC North is still up for grabs, but order has been restored as it appears the battle is between Pittsburgh and Baltimore. |
| 12 | Tennessee Titans | The worst division in football is also shaping up to be one of the more fun divisions, and Tennessee has a bright future. |
| 13 | Houston Texans | Back to beating in-division opponents, but that was too close for comfort. The QB situation will kill them, the question is when. |
| 14 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | Sure, they lost their big est. But the future is still bright as long as the Bucs can put a little polish on their offense. |
| 15 | Baltimore Ravens | Good to bounce back after losing to the Patriots, but none too impressive in doing so. |
| 16 | Denver Broncos | Its looking pretty over for the Champs. |
| 17 | Washington Redskins | Beaten badly by Carolina, at home, and losing the lead for the final spot in the NFC playoffs. Bad week meng. |
| 18 | Indianapolis Colts | Whatever else can be said of the Vikings, it took the Colts to finally make the defense quit. |
| 19 | Buffalo Bills | Sexy Rexy and his mediocre feet-havers are still officially in the mix. |
| 20 | Minnesota Vikings | Though not officially out, they are relegated to trying to spoil Green Bay's late run. |
| 21 | Carolina Panthers | Where was that effort all year? |
| 22 | New Orleans Saints | At least Brees can keep bulk-stating his way up the record book. |
| 23 | Arizona Cardinals | Member when they had a top defense? |
| 24 | Philadelphia Eagles | Member when they had a top defense? |
| 25 | Cincinnati Bengals | All they had left was beating the Steelers for a sense of pride, and they blew it. |
| 26 | San Diego Chargers | Rivers sucks now. Maybe he's hurt. |
| 27 | Los Angeles Rams | Does anyone really care how I rank these pre-Bears bad teams. |
| 28 | New York Jets | Seriously, let me know, I am not even trying. |
| 29 | Chicago Bears | Hey, frisky effort guys! But here's the thing about letting receivers get deep with very little time left in a tie game: its dumb. |
| 30 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Move the franchise already. I'm thinking Anchorage for better attendance. |
| 31 | San Fransisco 49ers | Maybe Chip can learn from this, and create a better offense. |
| 32 | Cleveland Browns | 0-16! 0-16! 0-16! |