| 1 | New England Patriots | Still on top, and Massholes have easier access to weed. What a time to be alive. |
| 2 | Dallas Cowboys | Texas may be the Mannheim Steamroller of states, but the Boys are back. |
| 3 | Oakland Raiders | With a decisive win over the Broncos, we have to take them seriously from now on. I'd mention California can smoke weed legally now for no reason or any reason at all, but that was Tru truth already. |
| 4 | Kansas City Chiefs | Continuing the theme of the AFCW being bigly good. Bigly. |
| 5 | Seattle Seahawks | Helps to have the refs in your pocket. RIGGED |
| 6 | Atlanta Falcons | A fine bounceback after some disappointing losses with their second straight win. |
| 7 | Denver Broncos | Everyone else is jumping on the bandwagon, but it started with a rocky mountain hi. Get it? GET IT? |
| 8 | Houston Texans | Following a TruWin over the Lions and a successful bye, the Texans make it to the top ten for the first time. |
| 9 | New York Giants | They seem awful but keep marching on. Like the political system. |
| 10 | Detroit Lions | It would seem the Lions are the best team in the North. Nothing shocks anymore. |
| 11 | Minnesota Vikings | It feels like they are primed for an even larger slide, but for now the record mandates a playoff nod. |
| 12 | Washington Redskins | They get to keep their name! |
| 13 | New Orleans Saints | The big mover of the week, leaping up almost ten spots. |
| 14 | Philadelphia Eagles | Ring that Liberty Bell and don't get out the vote! |
| 15 | San Diego Chargers | Rivers is still fun. |
| 16 | Baltimore Ravens | The team still seems awful, but Big Ben returned and they bested Pittsburgh. |
| 17 | Pittsburgh Steelers | One of the big drops of the week, the Steelers need to right the ship soon. |
| 18 | Miami Dolphins | Winners of three straight. |
| 19 | Buffalo Bills | Backsliding and nestling in where they belong: middle of the pack. |
| 20 | Arizona Cardinals | Sooner or later I will accept that they are bad and not good. |
| 21 | Indianapolis Colts | On the right track winning two of their last three. |
| 22 | Green Bay Packers | LOLPackers have a great chance to fall further in Tennessee! |
| 23 | Tennessee Titans | Lost to the Chargers, but the Packers can help right the ship. |
| 24 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | Got smoked. |
| 25 | New York Jets | Not good and bad. |
| 26 | Carolina Panthers | Bad, and not good. |
| 27 | Chicago Bears | Could be higher soon following the win over the Vikes and a bye. |
| 28 | Los Angeles Rams | One hoped they'd be better. |
| 29 | Cincinnati Bengals | Awful team and I ain't afraid to say it anymore. |
| 30 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Why try. Can't even beat the Packers. |
| 31 | San Fransisco 49ers | So bad |
| 32 | Cleveland Browns | 0-16! 0-16! 0-16! |
