PROCTOLOGISTICS
The holidays are fast approaching, so let’s just dispense with the fucking pleasantries. We all know what a stressful and unpleasant time of the year this is. Stupid fucking company Christmas parties. Not like the old days either. No ass grabbing or xeroxed copies of Susie’s ass. No, we’re much too politically correct for any of that good old fashioned sexual harassment. This year we’ll just paste on a smile and pretend we have no desire to grab any pussies.
And the relatives…FUCK ALL! Good God, the relentless parade of retards that we have to put up with once a year, just because we share a couple of strands of DNA. Let’s go out and spend all of our hard earned money to buy stupid gifts for jackasses who couldn’t care less if we stopped breathing and fell off the face of the earth tomorrow. Make sure you get the really expensive spiral sliced ham, so these flatulating pieces of fuck can stuff their fat fucking faces. We wouldn’t want them to bad mouth us on their way home on an empty stomach.
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, YOU BITCHES!
THIS DAY IN HISTORY (December 19)
1777 – Continental Army enters Winter Camp at Valley Forge. Cornwallis is overheard saying, “If you don’t cross the Potomac, your pussy ain’t shit.”
1941 – Hitler takes command of the German Army. Soon the Jews will know who’s in charge.
1998 – President Clinton Impeached. Slick Willy stuck his sick willy where it didn’t belong.
WHO’S HOT
Jacksonville Jaguars. Never would have predicted this with two weeks to go in the season.
WHO’S NOT
Green Bay Packers. The Packers could be looking at their highest first round draft pick since 2009.
YOU SAID IT
Preparation_A – Butthole farts as a result of digestive processes are farts. Butthole farts as a result of air pressure being built up by anal penetration are called bueefs.
MIB – I’d be interested to know how many times you experienced this before you gave it a name.
G&G – Somewhere a pedophile wake up this morning pretty sad
MIB – Classic!
Raji – it’s like when you’re a kid and you pretend to mow and there’s really no pattern or objective you just push your little plastic mower in a random direction until you have to stop to pee
MIB – Personally, I never stopped. There’s something soothing about pissing your pants.