PROCTOLOGISTICS
Well, it seem s like we can’t go a week without talking about horrific officiating.
At the end of a fantastic 10 play drive, in which Mathew Stafford resembled a decent Division I quarterback, the Lions appeared to be poised to take the lead on Monday night. Stafford hooked up with all world wide receiver Calvin Johnson. As Johnson lunged toward the goal line for the go ahead score, Seattle’s Cam Chancallor (Pay the man), made an amazing play to knock the ball loose just short of the goal line. The ball was batted out of the end zone by Seattle LB K. J. Wright, and was ruled a touchback, giving the Seahawks the ball at their own 20 yard line.
Not every call directly effects a game, and that’s certainly the case in the Monday night debacle. After all, there was still 1:51 remaining in the game when the errant call was made. It is very possible the Lions would have found another way to choke, or the Seahawks may have been able to score with the time remaining on the clock after a Lions score.
In a bazar twist, Lance Easley, the now infamous replacement referee for his call on the “Fail Mary” play, says he planes to reach out to the back judge from this weeks botched call. Apparently Easley, who was treated for PTSD (obviously due to the crap he received from douchebag Packer fans, who don’t understand the rules of simultaneous possession), feels empathy for his fraternal brother, and feels he may be able to ease the pain, or at a minimum, refer him to a qualified shrink.
WEEK 5 RESULTS BASED ON RANKING
As you know, each week I make picks for the following week’s games based on my current rankings.
Last week, I took a bit of a beating (through no fault of my own). At any rate, my picks were still 8-7, putting my year to date record at 42-21.
Suck my nuts “Deep Cool”.
Bye week: Miami, Minnesota, New York Jets, Carolina (Congrats! you won’t drop in the rankings this week)
So, here’s this weeks predictions.
| Winner | Loser |
|---|---|
| Indianapolis | Houston (H) |
| Kansas City (H) | Chicago |
| Cincinnati (H) | Seattle |
| Atlanta (H) | Washington |
| Jacksonville | Tampa bay (H) |
| New Orleans | Philadelphia (H) |
| Baltimore (H) | Cleveland |
| Green Bay (H) | St Louis |
| Buffalo | Tennessee (H) |
| Arizona | Detroit (H) |
| New England | Dallas (H) |
| Denver | Oakland (H) |
| New York Giants (H) | San Francisco |
| Pittsburgh | San Diego (H) |
THIS DAY IN HISTORY (October 6)
Since I was a little windy in my opening, I’ll keep this short and sweet.
On this day in TA 3018: Strider and the Hobbits reach Weathertop. They are attacked by Nazgûl, Frodo wears the Ring and is stabbed.
Note: Nate will explain this to Gabes later, in the comments section.
FANTASY FOOTBALL FORUM
My FF team, “Deez nuts” spanked the crap out of “Team Cammy Cam Cam, by a score of 74-58.
Pro Tip: When your star player has a “O” next to there name, it means they’re not playing.
WHO’S HOT
Cin-cinn-mutha-fricken’-atti! Our favorite ginger, Andy Dalton, is on a roll.
WHO’S NOT
The Miami Dolphins. They have officially reached dumpster fire status.
YOU SAID IT
Preperation_A – These “rankings” are deeply flawed and have all the hallmarks of being the manifesto of an insane person.
JJ – If I find out “manifesto” is a negative term, you’re going on my shit list, buddy!
Big Deal – God these rankings are terribad. How much drugs do you have to ingest for these to make some semblance of sense?
Also, thanks MIB for the article!
JJ– Awe, that’s kind of you to say. You’re welcome, my friend.
IT’S TIME TO RANK ‘EM AND SPANK ‘EM
| Rank (Previous) | Team | Record | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 (1) | New England Patriots | 3-0 | Welcome back from your bye week, you scumbag cheaters. |
| 2 (4) | Cincinnati Bengals | 4-0 | This is a first in FSY Power Ranking history. You're jumping a team that won. 1. You've played the toughest schedule 2. Fuck the Packers. |
| 3 (2) | Green Bay packers | 4-0 | Congratulations on putting up the fewest points against the 49ers shit D, all year. |
| 4 (5) | Denver Broncos | 4-0 | Your defense is too legit to quit. Also, Peyton's arm is going to fall off. |
| 5 (3) | Arizona Cardinals | 3-1 | I Caramba! I put my rep on the line for you! |
| 6 (7) | Carolina Panthers | 4-0 | Your schedule is a joke. |
| 7 (11) | Atlanta Falcons | 4-0 | Your schedule is a funnier joke than the one above. |
| 8 (6) | Seattle Seahawks | 2-2 | Funny which calls Pete Carroll supports and which ones he doesn't. Funnier even, when he has no comment. |
| 9 (15) | New York Jets | 3-1 | You really haven't beaten anyone of significance yet, but whatevs. |
| 10 (8) | Pittsburgh Steelers | 2-2 | When will Ben be back? You may be too high. |
| 11 (9) | Minnesota Vikings | 2-2 | My lawyer J. Nobel Dagget will give you $50 dollars if we don't get embarrassed by the Lions, and another $50 if we win. (SDL, name that movie) |
| 12 (10) | Buffalo Bills | 2-2 | More like Buffalo Chips! AMIRITE! |
| 13 (16) | Indianapolis Colts | 2-2 | From here down it's pure shit, so I'll give you a pass. |
| 14 (20) | St Louis Rams | 2-2 | You're the best of the pure shit. Yeah! |
| 15 (17) | Baltimore Ravens | 1-3 | How does one say, "nice win", when they don't really mean it? |
| 16 (18) | Houston Texans | 1-3 | Woo Hoo! Best team in Texas! |
| 17 (12) | Kansas City Chiefs | 1-3 | I give you credit for picking up Alex Smith. I'm positive you'll grab Aaron Rodgers if he becomes available. |
| 18 (19) | San Diego Chargers | 2-2 | I forgot why I move you up. Oh yeah, you beat the Browns. |
| 19 (14) | Dallas Cowboys | 2-2 | Miss Romo yet? |
| 20 (22) | New York Giants | 2-2 | Slow start, then fart. Same ole G-men. |
| 21 (21) | Oakland Raiders | 2-2 | You lost to the Bears. Let that sink in. |
| 22 (29) | Washington Redskins | 2-2 | Gruden's grinders. |
| 23 (31) | New Orleans Saints | 1-3 | I am discusded that I have to move you up in the rankings. I'm looking forward to the eventual fail. |
| 24 (32) | Chicago Bears | 1-3 | HA! Screw those fuckers, I have your back. |
| 25 (23) | Philadelphia Eagles | 1-3 | Eagles is more offensive than Redskins, the way you play. |
| 26 (25) | San Francisco 49ers | 1-3 | I struggled with not putting you at 32. Your fans are 32 in my fan rankings, if that helps. |
| 27 (26) | Jacksonville Jaguars | 1-3 | You've shown solid improvement. 27 Might be your ceiling though. |
| 28 (27) | Cleveland browns | 1-3 | You are trying to decide if you should start a career (shitty) backup, or your future (shitty backup). Whoa is me. |
| 29 (28) | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | 1-3 | I have a great photoshopped album of Lovie Smith, if that helps. |
| 30 (30) | Tennessee Titans | 1-2 | Yeah! Thank you bye week! |
| 31 (13) | Miami Dolphins | 1-3 | The Lions saved you. |
| 32 (24) | Detroit Lions | 0-4 | You've earned this in so many ways. If "pathetical" is a word, you're the definition. |