Proctologistics
It’s taken 17 weeks, but it’s official. The playoffs are set. Carolina and Baltimore snagged the final two spots. Wild card weekend will feature Arizona at Carolina, Baltimore at Pittsburgh, Cincinnati at Indianapolis, and Detroit at Dallas.
New England, Denver, Green Bay, and Seattle grabbed the top four spots, and ensured a bye for week one. More importantly, they will all host home games in the divisional round of the playoffs.
The remaining twenty teams will be scratching their balls, watching from home, and thinking about what might have been. Since these teams have shat the bed, there is only one way to determine their relative “power”. Therefore, the teams from 13 through 32 will be ranked by next years draft order. You may kiss my ass if you don’t like that.
In The News
San Francisco 49er’s head coach Jim Harbaugh has decided to leave the NFL ranks, and return to the University of Michigan. He is hoping to restore the glory of the once proud program, and follow in the footsteps of such legends as Bo Schembechler, Lloyd Carr, and Brady Hoke.
Mike Smith, Rex Ryan, and Marc Trestman were all victims of Black Monday. Does this mean it was white Monday for Mike Tomlin and Lovie Smith?
Aaron Rodgers feared a season ending injury, when he went down in the first half of last week’s win over Detroit. As it turns out, he simply re aggravated a calf injury. The good news is that he will have two weeks to get healthy, and Packers fans will have a built in excuse if they get bounced from the playoffs.
Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh won his appeal, and will be allowed to stomp on Tony Romo in their week one playoff matchup.
Who’s Hot
The Seattle Seahawks have secured home field advantage throughout the playoffs. This, along with a resurgence of their defense, will make them a tough out.
Who’s Not
Phillip Rivers and the San Diego Chargers continue to disappoint.
You Said It
LKP – Lions 42 Packers 17. Merry Christmas you filthy animals.
JJ – I pick my nose better than that.
Big Deal – I assume the Packers will be back at #1 after their win.
JJ – You assume wrong.
White But Pleasant – These power rankings are saltier than my nuts after a crossfit workout in pretzel underwear.